


what is this place (for it does not feel safe)

by reyesoflight



Category: The 100 (TV), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Maze Runner, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Slow Burn, The Maze Runner AU, will add more ships and characters as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5856940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyesoflight/pseuds/reyesoflight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke cannot remember anything but her first name. She finds herself welcomed to the Glade where other girls with no recollection of their previous lives too. They are trapped at the center of a maze that they cannot solve despite three years of trying. </p><p>or a maze runner au thats been stuck in my head for ages</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is mixed with what happened in the books, movies and stuff I pull out of my head and it will not go exactly as the books or movies but it will follow the general plot line

The chill seeps from the cold metal ground into her bones. The red lightly is blinking harshly, and she finds it hard to keep her eyes open. The alarm blares into her ears and she pulls her thighs close to her body, hoping this will end soon. She can only feel herself going up, up, up.

It’s disturbing. She knows things. She knows her numbers, letters, facts. But she remembers nothing about herself. Who she is, where she’s from, how she ended up here, where she’s going. Nothing. Her mind is a blank canvas. Not even her name is painted on it.

Her breathing is hard. She forces herself to look around. She sees boxes stacked against the walls and that seems to be it. She closes her eyes again. The alarm is giving her a headache. She’s feeling nauseas.

Hours pass, or minutes. It’s hard to tell when every second feels like a thousand years. But then there’s a jerk that causes her head to hit the wall hardly. Too hard. The last thing on her mind before blacking out is the remembrance of her name.

 _Clarke_.

//

When she wakes up, she’s on a bed. There’s a dark-haired girl standing with her back to Clarke. She shuffles a bit and clears her throat causing the girl to turn around in surprise.

“Oh good. You’re up.” She moves beside Clarke and places her hand on Clarke’s forehead. Clarke’s about to push the hand away when she realizes that she’s most likely in some kind of medical bay and the girl is just checking her temperature. She lets the girl check her up.

“You’re good to go I think.” The girl says when she’s satisfied with Clarke. She offers her a hand that Clarke does not take.

Clarke stands up herself. “Where am I?”

The girl smiles at her. “You must be really confused. I’m Maya. Do you recall your name?”

Clarke glares. “Yes. Where am I?”

Maya frowns. “Here, let me take you to our dining area. You’ll be able to ask all the questions you want to Raven and Octavia.”

The room she’s in is small and she spots a door leading outside to her left. She looks at Maya, and goes to the door without waiting for Maya to follow her out.

Outside is well, green. It’s mostly grass and plants. A few wooden buildings are scattered around the place. The sun is in the middle of the sky, shining brightly into Clarke’s eyes. There don’t seem to be any clouds in sight.

But the odd things are the walls. They cover the place from what Clarke can see.  They look to be a couple of feet high. Definitely some kind of wall to keep the people in. Or whatever there is outside, out.

Eventually they reach the dining area and Maya drops her at a table with two dark-haired girls and excuses herself. Clarke assumes these girls are the previously mentioned Raven and Octavia.

They sit close together on the bench. The girl on the left is eating and the other has an empty plate before her.

“Hungry?” Empty Plate Girl asks and before Clarke can even think of an answer, she calls out, “Hey! Fox! Get the newbie some food!”

The other girl looks at her friend and turns to Clarke. “So, has your name come to you yet?”

“Yes. It’s Clarke.” The girl nods and pushes her plate away.

“Great.” The other girl says. “It took me three days for mine to come back, remember, O?”

Octavia, Clarke guesses O is her nickname, laughs. “Oh my god. We all thought it’d would never come remember? I remember all the amazing names I thought of for you too!”

The other girl, that must be Raven, laughs with her. They both seem to be in their own little world. “They were all horrible.”

“Excuse you, Raven, they were the best names ever. My personal favorite was Crapface.”

Clarke clears her throat and the girls seems to snap out of the little bubble they were in. “Are either of you going to explain to me what this place is or am I going to have to find someone else.”

They both look at each other one more time and then Raven says, “Right. Sorry, princess. I’m Raven and this piece of slob here is Octavia.”

“Hey!” Octavia grumbles. “I’m not slob.”

“What about premium slob?”

“Much better.”

A sigh escapes Clarke. She’s never going to learn anything at the pace they’re going. “Raven, you mentioned not remembering your name too. Are you saying everyone has lost their memory?”

“Yep. Whoever sent us here took all our memories and left us with only our names.”

“Wait, so you think someone sent us here on purpose?”

Octavia answers this time. “Yeah. They send us a new girl and supplies once a month. It’s never late or early.”

A plate is placed in front of Clarke. There’s some meat, mashed potatoes and vegetables. She feels her stomach rumble. When was the last time she had something in her stomach? She’s only just realised how hungry she is. She digs in. The food is surprisingly good.

“It's good, isn’t it?” Octavia smiles. “Fox is amazing.”

“It’s great.” Clarke agrees.

“Okay, Clarke. Eat up and then O and I will show you around.”

Clarke nods and continues to eat her food. The dining area is crowded and she figures it’s probably lunch hour. There are girls everywhere, some sitting at tables, some on the grass. There's the smell of fresh food in the air and the sound of constant chatter fills up Clarke’s ears. There’s a general vibe of closeness to the people and Clarke notices the few stares given her way.

Raven and Octavia exchange random banters in front of Clarke and she can’t help but wonder if these two girls are more than friends. They have this dynamic between them, like they always know what the other is about to do. They tease each other a lot but she can tell they’d do anything for each other.

“How long have you two been here?” Clarke asks.

Raven answers, “We were the first few actually. Three years ago.”

“Three years? And you’ve never found a way out?”

Octavia and Raven frown at each other. Octavia sighs, “No. We figure our way out is the maze but...”

Clarke pushes her plate away. “Maze?”

“Come on, we’ll explain.” Octavia stands up with Raven and Clarke follows.

“You’ve noticed the walls right?” Octavia points the wall closest to them and walks towards it. “Behind them is a maze that we’re mapping out. It changes every day.”

Raven continues. “So every morning the doors open and they close back in the evening. A team of us, the Runners, run in everyday mapping out the area. Then it closes again at night to keep the Grievers, this creature that attacks us, in.”

“Grievers?” Clarke asks.

“Yeah.” Octavia says. “They come out only at night and hunt around the maze. If they find one of us, they try to kill us.”

Clarke nods. That definitely doesn’t sound good.

Raven stops and heaves a sigh and Octavia is quickly next to her, giving her a light pat on the back.

For the first time, Clarke notices that Raven is wearing a brace on her leg and she looks to Raven questioningly.

Octavia answers instead. “She fell.” Her voice is harsh and Clarke can tell she isn’t supposed to continue that topic so she points to the walls again.

“It’s closed now. That means it must be sometime in the evening.”

“It seems odd but over here the sun is always in the middle. I had just come back from my run about half an hour before you came.” Octavia explains.

“You’re a runner.” Clarke isn’t surprised, Octavia's lithe body and constant energy shows as much.

Raven bumps shoulders with Octavia. “Best fucking runner there is, I tell you.”

There’s a slight blush on Octavia's face that Clarke catches before she looks away. “She’s right.”

“How many runners are there?”

“There’s four of us. Me, Monroe, Roma and Lexa. You’ll meet Lexa later. She’s our ‘commander.’”

“And we’re her second and third.” Raven adds in. She stands up straight and stretches the leg with the brace.

They’re walking again now, towards the wall. “Oh, you’ll need to get a job.” Raven says. “We all have one. Octavia's a Runner, you met our Med-jack Maya, I'm a Builder. There’s also Slicers, Track-hoes, and Sloppers. You’ll get to try it all out this week.”

Clarke nods. “I think I’ll be a Med-Jack.” She doesn’t know why but she feels as if she knows everything she’ll need for it. She probably learned all this before getting her memory swiped.

Raven and Octavia explain what each job is to her as they continue walking. The sun is less bright and night is about to come. Clarke wonders if she can see the stars from here. She’d like that.

They’re nearing one of the doors when someone else joins them.

“Raven, Octavia, and...” she looks at Clarke with observing deep green eyes and a set face.

“Commander!” Raven exclaims. “This is Clarke. We’ve finished explaining just about everything to her.”

Commander? This must be Lexa then. She’s got the air of someone in charge. All straight back, kept hair, stoic expression and exuding confidence.

Lexa nods. “Thank you. You two may go now; I'd like speak to Clarke alone.”

“Aye-aye captain.” Octavia salutes her and walks away with Raven.

“You’re Lexa.” Clarke states.

“And you must be Clarke.” Lexa has her arms folded and her she flicks her eyes over Clarke. “Welcome to The Glade.”

“This place has a name then.”

Lexa shakes her head affectionately. “Did Raven and Octavia leave out that part? How predictable of them.”

She shoots a smile at Lexa. “They did explain the crucial stuff, though.”

“Good. Now follow me, Clarke. There’s something I'd like to show you.”

She follows Lexa to the wall and Lexa pushes away some vines to show a collage of carvings on the wall. They’re all names and she recognizes a few. Raven. Octavia. Fox. Maya. Some names are crossed out and she wonders what happened to them.

“We keep the names of our people here. To signify that the Gladers are one and that we will never break.” Lexa's voice is quiet.

“And what about the crossed names?”

A sad sigh escapes Lexa and her eyes harden. “Those are the fallen or the forbidden.” She’s not looking at Clarke, but at a name the wall that Clarke cannot place. “Some of our people break our three rules and we have no choice but to exile them alone to the maze. Let the Grievers do their job.”

“That’s pretty unfair, don’t you think?” To throw someone out at the mercy of those creatures. To have them never come back. That’s inhuman.

“It is the way of our people, Clarke. We do what we must to survive.”

Lexa pulls a dagger from her boot and hands it to her. “Make your mark, Clarke.”

She takes the small dagger. It feels foreign in her hands and she wonders if she’s ever wielded a dagger before. It’s cool to the touch and the metal blade shows Clarke her own reflection. Her hair is messy and there are bags under her eyes. There’s a scar on her forehead whose origins are unknown to her. But it looks old, so she figures she’s had it a long time.

She holds the dagger steady in her hand and scans the collage, looking for an empty space. She finds one, on the upper side, near the center. Beside it is the name Costia. It’s crossed out. She hears Lexa take a sharp intake of breath. Maybe Costia was someone important to her.

Clarke positions the dagger and carves her name slowly, trying to make her handwriting as eligible as possible. It comes out neat and she’s satisfied. She returns the dagger to Lexa, who puts it back in her shoe.

“What were the three rules you mentioned earlier?” she asks, because well, she doesn’t want to go accidentally breaking any of them.

“It’s just three simple rules. 1) Do your part. 2)Never harm another Glader and 3) Never go beyond the wall.”

“Unless you’re a Runner.”

Lexa nods. “Come, Clarke. It is best you get some sleep. We wake before light, have breakfast and start with our jobs.” She walks away, movements graceful and precise. Clarke follows. “I presume Octavia and Raven has explained our choice of jobs.”

“They have.” Clarke says. “I was thinking of being a Med-jack.”

“That would be good. Maya could use some help. It’s been only her ever since... for sometime now.” Lexa’s voice gets stuck in her throat and she lets out a deep breath. Clarke wonders what had happened. “Do you think you were a healer of some sort? Before you came here.”

“I think so. I feel like I know about it so I guess I’ll try it out.” She knows about it. She knows what to do with a dislocated ankle, a deep cut, how to stop a seizure. She knows what plants she can use to heal which wounds. She knows all this and it’s all so unsettling because she can’t even recall her last name.

It’s dark now and the Glade is illuminated by a bright full moon and lights around the place. No stars are in sight and it makes Clarke uncomfortable. She feels like looking at stars will make her feel safe now.

“I miss the stars too.” Lexa says and Clarke almost jumps, forgetting about the girl beside her. “I remember all the constellations.”

“Me too. It’s odd. Not seeing the stars. Forgetting everything about my life.”

“It is, Clarke. But you’ll get used to it. Just like everyone else has.”

They’ve reached a clear spot, with sleeping bags cluttered around and people lying in them. Nearby is a small building and Lexa enters it, telling Clarke to hold on. She sees Raven and Octavia in the far corner, separate from everyone else but close together. They’re both facing the sky and Clarke assumes they’re asleep.

Lexa returns a minute later, two sleeping bags in hand. She hands one over to Clarke and walks toward Octavia and Raven. She lays her bag nearby them and Clarke follows suit. The two girls beside them don’t budge.

Clarke settles herself in the bag. It’s thick and a bit stiff but she’ll have to get used to it. She finds the most comfortable position and relaxes. There's a cool night breeze that gives her goose bumps and the sound of crickets fill the air.

She closes her eyes.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” She hears Lexa whisper before she falls into a deep sleep.

//

It’s still dark when Clarke wakes up the next morning to the sound of rustling. The spot where Lexa was sleeping is empty, and Clarke's heart drops a little. Most of the Gladers are awake and packing their sleeping bags. Clarke goes along with it.

She stretches her arms and allows a yawn to escape her mouth. She clumsily takes the sleeping back and rolls it up, failing the first two times cause it’s too early and her arms and brains are not coordinated yet.

“Morning, princess.” Raven appears in front of her, two sleeping bags tucked under her arm and a grin on her face. She’s in an entirely too good mood for Clarke this early in the morning.

Octavia stands behind Raven. She’s the exact opposite picture of Raven, and has a mood much more suited for Clarke. Her back is slumped and she’s rubbing her eyes. She lets out a groan and whines, “I need more sleep.”

Clarke nods, she definitely agrees with Octavia.

Raven feigns pity. “Aw, you poor little girl.” She pats Octavia’s head and pouts. “Did you not get enough beauty sleep? Cause you slept for 10 hours straight, woman.”

“Shut up, Rae.” Octavia punches Raven’s arm. Well she tries to, but she isn’t looking and Raven dodges her arm so Octavia just ends up punching thin air. She groans and Raven grins harder. “Whatever. I need food.”

She walks away, presumably to the dining area, and Raven smiles at her back. It’s a sweet smile, one that shows a lot of love, and Clarke feels like she shouldn’t see something that raw. Raven turns to her, “Let’s go.”

They stop at the toilets first and Raven and Octavia help Clarke find clothes that fit her in the Glade’s changing room. They quickly have their showers and Clarke feels much fresher than before.

The three of them have breakfast together, and the food today is good as well. Octavia’s grogginess fades away almost as soon as she takes her first bite of food. Clarke’s takes much longer. She clearly isn’t a morning person then. The dining area is as crowded as dinner was last night and this time, they opt to sit at the meadow. It’s a warm morning but there’s a bit of a breeze that keeps them cooled down.

There’s a small forest at one of the corners of the Glade. It’s a dense one and it creeps Clarke out. The trees look half dead, with only a few leaves hanging on them. The grass around it is long and unkempt unlike the grass all around the Glade. It’s dark there, cornered by the walls of the maze. The small forest generally gives Clarke a bad vibe and she doesn’t have to be told to not venture there.

Raven must notice where Clarke’s attention is lingering because in a soft voice she says, “It’s where we bury our dead.”

Clarke nods and the subject isn’t further discussed.

After breakfast, they separate for their jobs. The infirmary is empty save for Maya, who’s placing bottles of herbs on a shelf.

“Hey.” Clarke greets as she goes to meet Maya at the shelf.

Maya smiles back at her. “Hi, Clarke.”

“What can I help with?”

Maya hands her the basket of bottles she’s holding. “You can arrange them.”

Clarke nods and begins her work. When she’s done, Maya explains to her what all the herbs do and Clarke isn’t surprised that she seems to know everything already. The day is uneventful. No one seems to need their attention so far.

“Our days are usually free. No one really gets hurt here. The main patients are the Slicers, they cut our meat, and an occasional Runner or someone helping in the kitchen.”  Maya informs her before Clarke goes for her lunch break. They split in into two. The first hour for Clarke and the second for Maya. “But we have to stay till dinner, just in case.”

Clarke sits with Raven and a few of her friends for lunch. They’re all nice and they give Clarke a warm welcome, but there’s a feeling of detachment from them. She doesn’t feel like she belongs her, not like the others do.

It’s odd to see Raven without Octavia next to her. Raven’s quieter without her, more reserved, but she’s still fun to be around.

“The Runners take lunch with them. It’d be impractical for them to come back for lunch, don’t you think?” Harper, one of Raven’s friends tells Clarke when she voices her question.

When Clarke’s hour is over, she heads back to the infirmary. There isn’t much to do, so Clarke looks around. She recognizes most of the tools and items here and she’s sure she knows how to use them as well. Clarke wonders how she came to know all this. Maybe she was studying it? Maybe she knew someone who was a doctor? A relative?  A friend? She may never know.

Clarke’s ability to be a healer is tested that evening. A Slicer comes in, her finger wrapped in a cloth that’s turning redder every second. Maya gives her the honors of treating the cut, but closely watches Clarke’s every move. She quickly cleans and disinfects it. It’s not as bad as it looked when it was covered in blood. It’s shallow enough that it doesn’t need stitches so Clarke bandages it up and lets the Slicer leave. Maya tells her she did a good job and Clarke definitely agrees.

The day comes to an end soon and Clarke finds herself having dinner with Octavia and Raven again. The food is still good and Clarke feels more and more satisfied with every bite she takes. They exchange stories about their day while eating.

“I nearly missed the doors today.” Octavia says nonchalantly, as if she wasn’t just that close to dying alone in the maze tonight.

Clarke’s eyes widen. She doesn’t know much about the Grievers but she can tell that they are not a force to be reckoned with. She can only imagine what might have happened to Octavia tonight had she not come back.

Raven very nearly chokes on her food, “ _What?_ ”

Octavia looks down at her plate. “I lost track of time and nearly lost my way.”

“O… are you okay?” Raven lightly touches her back. “You don’t usually loose anything.”

Octavia shrugs and she still can’t look at Raven in the eye. “I was just thinking too much today, I guess.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” Raven’s voice is soft and they have both seem to have forgotten Clarke’s presence. They’re in their little bubble again, only the both of them in the world. “You can tell me anything.”

Raven receives a shake of the head in response and Octavia lifts her head to smile tightly at Raven. “No. Everything is fine. Don’t worry.”

They both relax a little and Clarke smiles at them. They both clearly have feelings for each other and are probably too afraid of ruining their friendship in fear of the other not feeling the same way. Clarke can understand that, but she’s known them for only a day and she really wishes they’d sort their feelings out. It’s a wonder how the rest of the Gladers go about this.

Lexa joins them soon after. She’s holding her plate of food in one hand and she sits beside Clarke. “Hello.”

Octavia and Raven give her a salute and, at the same time, say, “’Sup, commander.”

The both of them laugh at their unlikely timing. Lexa looks at Clarke and shakes her head, but there’s a small smile on her face. “I take it these two haven’t killed you with their charm yet.”

“Almost at my breaking point.” Clarke says. Raven and Octavia are still laughing like crazy. “And I take it they’re always like this.”

“All the time.” Lexa takes a bite of her food, chews and swallows it down. She does it with this gracefulness that Clarke is enamored by. “How was your first day, Clarke?”

“It was great.” Clarke informs. “Better than I hoped.”

Lexa nods. “That’s good. I hope you like it here. It’s not much but it’s all we have.”

“I think I’ll like it here.” Clarke says. It isn’t a lie, she probably would, if it just didn’t feel so wrong for her to be here.

“Damn right you will.” Raven looks at Clarke. “You’ll love it.”

The two of them have sobered up from their random laughing fest. Their faces are still slightly red from laughing and there’s a smile on both their faces.

“She’s right.” Octavia agrees. “It’s great here.”

Clarke truly hopes they’re right.

Octavia and Raven get up and Raven grabs Octavia’s hand. “We’re going to bed now. Night.” They leave without waiting for replies.

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke asks Lexa, once Octavia and Raven are out of sight. Lexa nods at her, slowly chewing her food. “Do you think they have feelings for each other?”

“I don’t pry into other people’s lives, but I think it’s obvious they do. They’re just too afraid of losing each other so they push their feelings aside.” Lexa explains.

“That’s what I thought. I hope they get it sorted out soon.”

Lexa laughs at that. It’s a soft laugh and Clarke finds it endearing. “Some of us have been waiting for three years, Clarke. We definitely hope they sort themselves out soon.”

Clarke laughs with her. “They better. They look like they’re going to explode.”

When they’re done, they walk to the sleeping area together and get their sleeping bags. They find Octavia and Raven in the same spot as yesterday but this time they’re facing each other and holding hands, small smiles on their faces. Clarke and Lexa share a knowing look before placing their sleeping bags next to each other. Clarke isn’t able to sleep at first so she watches Lexa’s body rise and fall with her breaths in her sleep. The moonlight hits her face and enhances her sharp jawline. Lexa looks at peace and Clarke is entirely too fixed on Lexa’s face. There’s a pleasantly familiar feeling in her stomach. Clarke is screwed.

She dreams of green eyes and soft laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Clarke finds that she likes to do art, Lexa loves Clarke's art and Raven cares a little too much for Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This au is so fun to write!  
> Also I do all m editing so all mistakes are mine.

Clarke’s first two weeks at the Glade goes by as quick as a wink. She spends most of her time at the infirmary with Maya, hanging out with Octavia and Raven, or spending time with Lexa. She’s become accustomed to the ways of the Glade and has fully adapted herself. She knows most of the Glader’s by name now and could say that she is friends with most of them.

But she still feels like there’s something that’s just _off_. Like a part deeply buried in her brain is telling her that she can’t be here, that she has to go somewhere else. Clarke ignores this for now, tells herself that it’s just because it’s a new place and that the thought will go away soon.

Clarke finds that she loves painting. She loves the way she can take a blank sheet and cover with it with anything she likes. Colors, drawings, anything. She loves the way a brush strokes across a sheet and lights it up with color, giving it live and making everyone feel something as the look at it. She lets her heart out when she paints and it gives her the escape she needs in this world.

She discovers painting by accident five mornings after she first arrived at the Glade. She’s exploring the little hut where they keep their supplies, to find some extra cotton swabs for the infirmary when she stumbles upon a paint set and blank canvas. She feels herself inexplicably attracted to it so she brings it with her, hoping she’s allowed to.

She has a quick dinner that night and then excuses herself to find the quietest place in the Glade, a task that was quite daunting because it was after work hours and everyone was free to do as they wanted, but Clarke managed to find a little corner that was sufficiently lighted up and not too loud.

She lets herself loose, clearing all thoughts from her mind, and adds the first stroke of her brush. It’s quite intimidating given that as far as Clarke remembers, she’s never held a paintbrush, but just like how simply cleaning a wound had come to her, she finds herself quickly pulled into her art, no longer caring if she’s doing it right.

She paints for a long time, not thinking of what she’s doing but just putting her thoughts onto paper. When she’s done, the night sky is up and there’s barely a sound from the Glade. It’s really late and nearly everyone has gone to sleep, unaware of Clarke’s newfound talent.

The painting is bright and it depicts a scenery in early morning light. There’s a large lake that takes up most of the canvas, it’s shimmering surface reflecting puffy clouds and midflight birds. Around it is a meadow, a few tall trees scattered all around. In the far center of the meadow, stands a small wooden house with rounded windows and a door right in the middle.

Clarke does not know why, but just looking at the photo makes her feel warm inside, like sitting in front of a fireplace with a good book in hand and a cup of tea. She stares at it for a long time, absorbing the warmth it gives her.

She hears footsteps and looks up to see Lexa walking towards her with a smile on her face. Clarke pats the empty spot next to her, and Lexa sits there. Clarke hands her painting to Lexa, who takes it in her palms.

“I did not know you draw.” Lexa’s eyes flick around the canvas, taking in every detail.

“Me neither.” Clarke mutters, as she puts the paints away. “I found the set at the storage room and felt drawn towards it.”

Lexa looks at her now. “You are very good at it, Clarke.”

“Thank you.” Clarke curses herself for the small blush that appears on her cheeks. She takes the painting back from Lexa. “It came to me the way medicine did.”

“You must have been an artist before.” Lexa’s eyes sparkle in the moonlight and she gives Clarke one of her small smiles. “I wish to look at your paintings if you do more, Clarke. If you do not mind, of course.” 

Clarke’s eyes widen. She did not expect Lexa to like her work that much. She mulls over it for a minute before realizing that there’s no way she’ll deny Lexa anything she wants. “I will.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

 

“Clarke.” There’s a hand shaking her shoulder gently. “Clarke, wake up.”

Her eyes snap open and she’s greeted by a pair of green eyes looking right at her. She groans, wanting to just go back to sleep, but sits up and yawns, rubbing her half closed eyes. Clarke went to bed late last night and it’s way too early to be up, given that everyone else around her is still fast asleep in their sleeping bags. “What is it, Lexa?”

“I wish to show you something.” Lexa whispers, her eyes flicking behind Clarke. “Come with me.”

Clarke nods and gets up, hoping that whatever it is Lexa wants to show her, it is good enough for her to sacrifice her sleep. The Sun still hasn’t risen and there’s an all-around quiet and peace at the Glade, making it seem serene and beautiful.

“The Glade is very beautiful this early in the morning.” Clarke whispers, too afraid that if she is too loud the peace will disappear.

“It is.” Lexa whispers back.

She is guided by Lexa to an abandoned hut that Clarke has yet to explore. Lexa opens the door for her and gestures at Clarke to go inside. Clarke gives Lexa a look and passes through the door. It’s still dark and the place is lightly lit up from the light outside until Lexa turns on a switch that lights up the whole room.

Clarke is in awe. She takes in a deep breath as a huge grin spreads across her face. There is art hung around every inch of the place. Depictions of scenes of the outside world, the Glade, people, animals. So many paintings and they are all so beautiful. Clarke turns to Lexa, with wide eyes, “Where did all this come from?”

Lexa takes in a deep breath. “It is from one of the Gladers. She used to paint too and this is all her work.”

Clarke frowns, wondering who this girl was and why a person with so much talent had to be taken away in the cruel arms of death. “What happened to her?”

“She died.” Lexa looks over at one of the paintings on the side. It depicts a rough silhouette of two girls holding hands on a beach, with the backdrop of the sunset. The silhouette is not clear enough to know for sure exactly who it is on the picture but Clarke swears the girl on the right has the exact same hairstyle as Lexa.

Lexa’s voice is full of sadness and regret. “Her name was Tris.”

“It is sad.” Clarke moves to stand beside Lexa and puts a hand on her shoulder for a second before removing it. “Such a good artist gone at such a young age.”

“Yes.” Lexa nods and she is suddenly composed again, the emotion that was on her face before gone. “But we are not here to dwell on the past, Clarke. There is something else I would like to show you.”

She walks towards the back of the room, heaves a large box off a shelf and brings it to Clarke. “Open it.”

Clarke kneels down and carefully pulls off the tape, feeling slightly self-conscious under Lexa’s unwaning gaze on her actions. She opens the box and gasps. It’s full of art supplies. Pencils, paints, brushes, charcoal, a few sketchbooks. Clarke digs through them all with the excitement of a five-year-old child getting candy for their birthday. There are even a few blank canvases at the bottom of the box.

She could kiss Lexa right now. The thought makes her still for a second but she shakes it off and turns to Lexa, a large grin bordering her face. “Thank you for showing me this, Lexa.” She stands up. “I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, Clarke.” Lexa smiles is the most genuine Clarke has ever seen from her. “I am glad that this has made you happy.”

Clarke gazes at Lexa, admiring the smile that still hasn’t left her face, and the way she holds herself up confident and strong. The way her eyes seem to sparkle at Clarke and never leave her.

“Take whatever you need, Clarke. This place is now yours to use. Put it to good use.”

“Oh, I will.”

And she has because every day she finds time for herself to draw something. Whether it be an imagined scene, some part of the Glade, even if it was a random doodle, Clarke makes sure to draw something every day. Of course, she shows them to Lexa, who always takes a deep interest in them and constantly compliments Clarke’s art skills. Clarke’s even allowed her to keep a few of the drawings that Lexa really likes, completely ignoring the way Lexa’s enthusiasm for her art never fails to send a blush to her cheeks.

//

“What are you working on today?” Raven sits in front of her, munching on an apple, closely followed by Octavia, who grabs the apple from Raven’s hand and takes a bite out of it, making Raven shout, “Hey! That’s mine!”

“Not anymore.” Octavia mumbles with a full mouth. “Get another one.”

“I hate you.”

Octavia rolls her eyes. “Please, you love me.”

“Whatever floats your boat, O.” Raven gets off, presumably to find another apple, and Octavia smirks.

“She’s so easy.” Octavia peeks at Clarke’s work. “So what are you working on?”

 “I’m trying to draw how the night sky looks like.” Clarke answers Octavia. “It’s for Lexa.”

Octavia raises her eyebrow at that. “You’re drawing it specifically for Lexa?”

Raven comes back just as Octavia starts her sentence, two apples in her hand this time, and passes one to Octavia, who takes it with a smirk. “How come we, your best friends, don’t get drawings from you? That’s favoritism Clarke, and I will not stand for such bullshit.” Raven jokes.

Clarke shakes her head affectionately. “You two. She just mentioned that she misses the constellation on my first night here.”

Clarke is oblivious to the confused look Octavia and Raven give each other. “The Commander opened up to you on your first night here?”

“Damn, O, she was like a statue for weeks when we first arrived.” Raven sounds impressed. “Even my best jokes couldn’t shake a laugh out of her!”

Clarke adds in the last star on Orion and puts her sketchbook away. She’ll continue later, plus the talk of Lexa has piqued her interest. “I’m sure she’s always this way, guys. You’re exaggerating.”

Raven shakes her head. “No, no. Lexa doesn’t do emotion, like at all.”

“I bet she has a thing for you!”

“Octavia!” Clarke shouts, her face warming up. “She does not!”

Raven wiggles her eyebrows and sends a knowing look to Octavia. “But, clearly, someone else might have a thing for the Commander. Isn’t that right, O?”

“Oh yes.” Octavia giggles. “Someone blonde with blue eyes, who draws the stars for her and smiles at the mention of her name.”

“How sweet.” Raven grins. “Any idea who that could be, princess?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and curses the fact that she is unable to will her blush away. “You guys are idiots.”

The smirk on Octavia and Raven’s face makes Clarke roll her eyes. “I’m going to the infirmary.”

Octavia giggles to Raven behind her as she leaves the table. “Oh, but it is true! The fair maiden has found her knight in shining armor.”

//

“Clarke.” She startles as she hears the voice from behind her and turns around. She’s greeted by Lexa looking at her with gritted teeth. She’d been so lost in her drawing she hadn’t realized anyone enter, hadn’t really expected anyone to enter because the Runners are gone and the almost everyone is out of dangerous work conditions for lunch. One glance at Lexa’s arm solves her confusion. She clutching it tightly and taking heavy breaths; Clarke gets to work quickly.

She sits Lexa down on one of the beds and places her sketchbook aside. “What happened?”

“Tripped on a rock.” The tip of Lexa’s ears turn red, looking almost embarrassed to admit that, but she keeps her eyes firmly on Clarke and refuses to look anywhere else. “Landed on my arm.”

Clarke resists the urge to laugh. The great Commander Lexa, with all her power and gracefulness, tripping over a rock and hurting her arm. Unbelievable.

“Did you walk here all by yourself?” Lexa nods and Clarke shakes her head before she examines Lexa’s arm.

She compares Lexa’s right shoulder with the uninjured one and notices some swelling and redness. Then she gently lifts Lexa’s shoulder, testing the area, and feels bad when Lexa flinches a little but is able to move her arm fully. “Sorry, Lexa.”

“It’s alright, Clarke. Do your job.” Clarke works on Lexa’s shoulder for a little while more, checking her joints and pain level, before coming to her conclusion.

“I wouldn’t worry much. It’s just a sprain. The pain will lessen significantly soon and you’ll just feel a slight discomfort.” Clarke walks over to the shelf, looking for the pain relieving balm they keep. She hands it over to Lexa. “And put this on twice a day. It’s for the pain.”

She takes a piece of cloth and gently places it under Lexa’s arm before bringing the two ends up to tie lightly over her shoulder, careful not to make it too tight. “I suppose telling you that you should not go running for two weeks will not make a difference.”

Lexa shifts on the bed, wary of her arm and still not looking anywhere but at Clarke. She tries not to be bothered about this. “It is my duty, Clarke. It is for my people that I run out there every day.”

Clarke shakes her head in exasperation. “There’s Octavia and the other Runners, Lexa.”

“I cannot, Clarke.”

“Just two days, Lexa. Please?” Clarke walks away to find an ice pack and when she returns Lexa is looking the floor, deep in thought.

“Two days?” she asks. Clarke nods.

After what looks like a huge mental debate in Lexa’s mind, she nods. “Only two days.”

“Good.” Clarke sits down next to Lexa and gently places the ice pack over the wounded area. Lexa stiffens at first before giving in. This close, Clarke can hear Lexa’s erratic breathing and she backs off a little, giving Lexa the space she needs to breathe. “I can’t believe you came her by yourself. How did no one see you?”

“I came in through the back. Everyone was at the dining area and were unable to see me.” Clarke shakes her head affectionately. Of course, Lexa wouldn’t want anyone to see her hurt and worry. Of course, she would come alone to Clarke.

_Of course._

//

Clarke hates that she cannot remember the times she watched the stars. There’s an ache in her chest for the comfort she’s certain she’ll get if she looks at them. She hates that she remembers every single constellation and hates that she cannot remember how she came to know them. She cannot remember when she learned it, who thought her, what was the first constellation she learned.

And most of all she hates that is just there. That if she could just dig in a little deeper, past the barrier locking in all her memories, she will know all that she needs to know. She just has to break that goddamn wall.

But she can’t. And she hates the feeling.

She is nearly done with her drawing of the night sky and all she needs is to fill it in with colors. Clarke experiments with watercolor pencils this time, hoping to get the effect she wants on the sky. She starts off with the dark night sky with a few shades of dark blue, and then the clouds, and lastly, with precision and a great care, she fills in the stars making them look as realistic as possible.

When she is done, she focuses on it, looking for mistakes. She touches it up a little before putting it down to let it dry.

Clarke found a little ladder at the back of the hut a few days ago and curiosity brought the better out of her as she climbed it. The ladder led to the top of the hut and Clarke was given the sight of a large empty area with an easel in the corner and a table in the center.

Clarke finds herself there now. It’s an amazing place to do her art, and she figures Tris used it for that very reason. From it you can see nearly every corner of the Glade, making it a good source of inspiration for an aspiring artist. It’s a good thing it doesn’t rain in the Glade, otherwise everything would become drenched and ruined, which would be such a waste of good art.

It’s evening now, Clarke having been let out from work just over an hour ago. She figures she should have had dinner first, but she really wanted to finish her constellations and now that she’s done, she feels the hunger bubbling in her stomach.

Clarke goes down with her sketchbook, leaving it beside a window to dry properly, before going to eat.

 

“Hey, guys.” She greets Raven and Octavia as she joins them on the grass, a big plate of food in her hands. She’s really, really hungry now.

Octavia glances at her plate. “Someone’s hungry.”

Clarke nods and digs in, moaning at the savory flavor of the food. Raven rolls her eyes. “You’re being dramatic.”

“No, I’m not.” Clarke grumbles. “I’m starving and the food is good.”

“She has a point.” Octavia says and Clarke smiles at her.

“Glad to know someone is on my side.” She fakes a glare at Raven, who starts laughing, quickly followed by Octavia and Clarke.

Clarke is glad to have found Octavia and Raven because even with her animosity about being sent to this place, the two of them – and Lexa, Clarke adds-  make her feel at home.

//

Clarke stands atop the hut, looking at the doors, unaware of green eyes watching her from below. The moonlight makes her blonde hair stand out, makes it look almost silver.

Lexa walks so that she is right at Clarke’s vision, unhappy that her hurt arm restricts her from climbing up to Clarke. If it were anyone else, Lexa would climb up the ladder despite her injury, but that would make Clarke upset, which Lexa does not want. She berates herself for allowing Clarke to make her weak.

She berates herself for allowing herself to allow Clarke to make her weak.

It doesn’t stop her from coming back to Clarke anyway, and Lexa doesn’t think it will stop her anytime soon.

“Hello, Clarke.” She says, catching Clarke’s surprised eyes on her.

“Hey.” Clarke’s voice is a little breathless. “Hold on.”

She turns her back to Lexa and walks towards the ladder before Lexa can say that it is not necessary for Clarke to come down to her, even if being close to Clarke is exactly what she wants.

Clarke smiles at Lexa as soon as she comes down, the sight of which brings butterflies in Lexa’s stomach. Butterflies which Lexa blatantly ignores.

She looks at the sling holding Lexa’s arm. “How’s your arm?”

“Hurts.” She says simply, unwilling to give Clarke a completely true answer, but also needing to not lie to Clarke.

Clarke’s face softens. “It should stop hurting by tomorrow. Do you want any more cream for it?”

“It’s okay, Clarke. I will be fine.” Lexa tells her, finding herself unable to look at Clarke when she has such concern etched on her face for Lexa.

She nods, uncertain, and gives Lexa’s arm one last look before she puts on a small smile. “I have something for you.”

Lexa smiles at Clarke, who looks so excited at the prospect of giving her a gift. “What is it?”

She knows it’s another piece of art made just for her. Another piece of art that will be just as intricate and beautiful as Clarke herself. The first painting Clarke gave her was a painting of the sunset, something that brought memories of stolen kisses and not-so-secret hand holding behind a big tree at one of the corners of the Glade. It’s not something Lexa would usually love, in fact, she would have expected herself to want to put a ginormous amount of distance between herself and the memories that the painting made resurface in Lexa’s mind. But Clarke had been adamant when she saw the emotions that so carelessly appeared on her face, and Lexa relented. Since then, Clarke would make random pieces of art just for her.

Clarke gives her the paper, that will end up being carefully kept in her bag with the rest to be looked at whenever Lexa is bored and alone, a shy smile on her face. Lexa was right. Today’s art is just as amazing as always. “You said you missed the stars so I thought I’d draw them for you.”

Lexa nearly melts right then and there, the very knowledge that Clarke remembered such a small detail from her first night here, making Lexa feel things she is not ready to feel again.

She smiles at the girl in front of her, looking hopeful but unsure if Lexa likes her art. “Thank you, Clarke. It is a beautiful piece.”

Clarke lights up immediately and smiles broadly at Lexa, eyes as blue as the morning sky gazing at her. “I’m glad you like it.” 

The piece is beautiful and Clarke manages to catch the image perfectly, making it seem as if Lexa is really looking at the night sky. The constellation in the center in Orion and Lexa feels like she is looking at her most favorite thing in the world.

Lexa sneaks another glance at Clarke and notices that she’s still watching Lexa intently, but with a small smile on her face. “I really appreciate the gesture, Clarke.” She tells her.

Clarke’s smile broadens. “It’s not a big deal. I figure it’s nice to do things for the people you care about sometimes.”

That sends a blush to Lexa’s cheeks and she hopes Clarke doesn’t notice. Clarke _cares_ about her. Enough to make her a drawing on something Clarke knew Lexa would like.

Clarke may be the death of her but she is happy to have found her because Clarke makes her forget the dead bodies and broken hearts, even if she is unsure whether she is ready to forget.

//

The Glade is lit up brightly by the Sun and everyone is doing their respective jobs without any complaint and with full dedication. On the contrary, Lexa has been spending the past day and a half walking around the Glade with nothing to do simply because she promised Clarke she would allow her arm to rest for two days. It’s too bad Lexa doesn’t go back on promises because she would give anything to have something productive to do right now. At least she can go back to her running tomorrow.

She considers dropping by the infirmary to see if they need any help but decides against it. It holds too many bad memories. There isn’t much she can do with only one hand anyway but at least the pain had stopped yesterday and Lexa only feels a mild discomfort. It’s a good thing she heals fast.

Feeling useless is not something Lexa is accustomed to so when the alarm signaling that the lift is coming up starts, Lexa is for a second overcome with relief. Then she remembers that it has only been two weeks since the last delivery and her stomach drops.

The blaring sound stops everyone from their work and they run to the cart. Lexa arrives first and in a moment Clarke and Raven are beside her, the confusion on their faces mirroring hers. The alarm is as deafening as always but the alarm on everybody’s face makes it unbearably deafening. This has never happened before, and can only mean bad things. Even when half the Glade was dying, the Creators had not come early and had waited till the next month before sending them the medicine they needed.

Everyone is quiet and still when the cart finally arrives, none daring to make a move. After a few moments, Raven steps up. All eyes are on her as she opens the doors and a gasp escapes her mouth. She looks at Lexa, a look of utter bewilderment on her face. “It’s a boy.” She whispers.

No one dares make a sound as Harper joins Raven and turns the unconscious boy over. A whisper escapes his mouth the same time a piece of paper falls from a clenched fist. “ _Clarke_.”

All of a sudden every single eye is on Clarke, distrust and fear in all of them. Clarke most of all looks terrified and puzzled as she glances at the unconscious boy before her. Lexa cannot bring herself to feel any distrust towards the girl when she is clearly as lost as the rest of them.

“Guys,” Raven says. “You might want to look at this.” She holds the piece of paper up.

_He’s the last one ever._

A hurricane of whispers break out among them and Clarke’s name is heard the most. Someone shouts, pointing at Clarke. “It’s all her fault.”

Someone else adds, “I say we float her!”

A chorus of agreement erupts from half the Glade and Clarke’s face morphs into pure terror. She looks at Lexa, her eyes pleading. Lexa maintains eye contact, trying to convey with her eyes that everything will be okay. Raven moves to Clarke’s other side and gives her shoulder a light squeeze and looks at Lexa, waiting for her to say something. She does.

“ENOUGH!” she shouts and the Glade is quiet again. All eyes have moved to their Commander now. “We cannot be quick to blame someone when do not even know the whole truth.”

Most of the eyes on her are uncertain but she sees some of the tension in Clarke’s shoulder release. “Take the boy to the infirmary, Harper.” Harper, still beside the boy, abides. “We will see what the boy knows when he wakes up.”

Another chorus erupts, this time of disagreement. Lexa clears her throat and it dies down. “Everyone back to work. Any further disagreement will be led to your banishment.”

At once, everyone leaves, except Clarke and Raven. When it is only the three of them, Clarke allows herself to relax. “Thank you.”

Lexa nods. “Are you sure you do not know the boy?”

Raven glares at her as Clarke stiffens and raises her chin. “Are you saying that you do not believe me?”

“I am simply asking for confirmation, Clarke. I believe you had looked too confused to know the boy.”

Clarke sighs but relaxes again. “You’re right. I don’t know him.”

“Good. That is all I wanted to hear.”

“What are you going to do now?” Raven asks.

“I believe we have no choice but to find a way out of the Maze now.”

Raven’s eyes widen. “Lexa, a lot of people will never agree.”

“Why not?” Clarke asks.

“Everyone thinks the Maze is dangerous, Clarke. The Glade is the safest place they know and they will be too scared to leave.” Lexa explains to Clarke before looking at Raven. “We will discuss this with the other Runners later.”

//

Clarke looks at the boy in front of her, lying unconscious on the bed. It’s been nearly twenty-four hours and he has yet to wake. She looks at him as hard as she can, examining his dark skin, dark hair and face, trying to find a flash of recognition. It doesn’t come and she is unsure if she feels relief or frustration. If he knows Clarke, then clearly she must know him too right?

The past day has been tough. Most of the Gladers looked at her with distrust and few actually sided her. Even Octavia was wary when she first found out, refusing to speak to Clarke for a few hours, until Raven managed to convince her otherwise. Maya is unsure how to act around her, seemingly torn between trust and distrust for Clarke. She can’t really blame Maya, all of her friends don’t trust Clarke either and Maya would definitely not want to be ostracized for trusting her. Most of Raven’s friends ignore her now, except Harper and Monroe, who give her polite smiles and reassure her that she will be fine. With only so little people trusting her, Clarke feels lost. She’s glad Lexa believes her, otherwise she’s sure she’ll be thrown in the gutter.

If the boy could just wake up and explain, maybe everything would be okay again. But then Clarke thinks that he might not even remember when he wakes up and her spirits fall once more.

“Any signs of him waking up soon?” Maya asks, her feet shuffling.

Clarke shakes her head. “None.”

Maya’s face falls and she looks pitiful for Clarke. “I’m sure he’ll wake up soon.”

“I hope so.”

 

Lunch that day is so awkward, Clarke debates just having it in the infirmary. She sits between Raven and Harper and everyone just stares at her in distrust. Any attempted conversation about the boy leads to skeptical stares at Clarke and it dies down as quickly as it starts.

With Lexa gone for running, which Clarke had begrudging allowed because she had looked so lost the past two days, there is no one to stop the conversations about their disagreement with Lexa’s decisions. Even Raven’s glares only stop them for a while before it starts up again.

 

Clarke walks to her hut that night, hoping to draw something despite knowing that she does not have enough inspiration. The day had been tough but Clarke is not going to allow the animosity of the Gladers to bring her down. Instead, she walks around, head held as high as the walls and back straighter than ever.

She is lost in her thoughts when she feels a hand over her mouth and her body being dragged into another’s.

 _Shit_.

She knew some of the Glader’s did not trust her, but she did not know it was this bad. She’s backed against a tree and her attacker’s face comes into view. It’s Echo, the girl who proposed to have her banished, and she is clearly unhappy that her wishes were ignored. Clarke stills as she feels the cool metal of a dagger against her neck but she glares at Echo, keeping herself silent.

“You know something, Clarke. It’s obvious.” Echo says, the dagger still pressed against Clarke. “Tell me what it is or else.”

“I wouldn’t tell you even if I knew.” Clarke glares. “Now let me go.”

The blade is pressed deeper against Clarke’s throat, not enough to break skin, but enough to show the threat. They glare at each other, neither of them moving. “You may be brave under the Commander’s protection but she cannot protect you forever.”

They stare at each other for a long time, awaiting a response, before Clarke makes the first move. She steps on Echo’s leg as hard she can, she’s wearing slippers, how stupid, and squats down and jumps away as soon as Echo moves her hand away, cursing Clarke. “You bitch.”

Clarke runs, knowing the best way out of this situation is to find a crowded area where Echo would be too afraid to attack. Echo chases after her, but is not fast enough, and Clarke darts around as many trees as possible, aiming to confuse her attacker.

She turns around to see how much distance she has put between Echo and herself when she collides straight into someone.

“Clarke?” a confused voice comes, as a pair of hands land on her back to keep her balanced. Clarke pants heavily. It’s Lexa, of course it’s her. It’s always Lexa. Her mind goes haywire when she realizes that she’s pressed right up against Lexa’s body, barely any space between them and hands pressing tight against her back and _no_ \- Clarke should not be thinking of this now of all times. She pushes herself off Lexa and pants. “What happened, Clarke?”

Lexa eyes her with confusion but Clarke doesn’t notice and is instead looking at Echo. She’s running straight toward them, filled with too much hot rage to notice the Commander right next to Clarke.

Echo stops, a few feet in front of them, shocked etched on her face the moment she notices Lexa and Clarke tell the very moment it dawns on her just how fucked she is.

Lexa looks at Echo, eyes landing on the dagger in her hands, then back at Clarke, who’s still panting heavily. She stiffens immediately and seethes, “What is the meaning of this?”

Echo stutters and drops her dagger. “She knows something! She knows but she’s hiding it!”

“I do not care for your assumptions, Echo. Have you forgotten our rules?” Lexa’s looks as if she’s ready to kill the girl right then.

Echo is quiet and when she refuses to answer, Lexa growls. “Do not harm another Glader, Echo. Do you need me to tell you what the punishment for that is?”

There is silence for a long time and Clarke’s stomach drops. Echo looks terrified and Clarke almost feels bad for her. “Please.” She begs. “I wasn’t going to kill her. I was just trying to get answers.”

“Answers which she does not have.” Lexa holds Echo’s stare, not wavering. “Clarke, go.”

Clarke is about to protest but Lexa spares her a look and she abides, heading to her hut.

 

“Are you going to banish her?” Clarke asks later that night, as they are sleeping next to each other in their respective sleeping bags.

Lexa sighs. “I do not have a choice, Clarke.”

“It will only create more animosity towards me.”

“It has to be done, Clarke. She broke one of our rules.”

Raven adds in from behind her. “Lexa’s right, Clarke. Echo tried to kill you.”

Clarke sighs and looks at the sky, the absence of stars only making her feel worse. “She didn’t even hurt me, guys.”

“But she was going to.” Octavia says. “She had a dagger to your neck.”

Echo is banished the next evening and they never see her again.

//

For as long as Raven can remember, she has always prided herself on one thing. That she will be okay no matter what happens to her. Even when she fell off the wall and paralyzed one of her legs, she knew that she everything would be okay. It’s as she says, ‘We all have battle scars. Suck it up and build a brace for yours.”

So when it reaches past half an hour of Octavia’s usual time returning from the Maze and Raven has still not seen her, she feels a very alarming dread settle in her stomach, especially since the doors close in exactly fifteen minutes.

Raven has searched every single corner of the Glade, except the infirmary. She’s seen every other Runner, except Octavia and Lexa, and the dread in her stomach expands by a tenfold.

She barges into the infirmary and lets out a “fuck”, when the only people there are Clarke, Maya and that damn boy who’s been unconscious for five days.

Clarke looks at her, concern lacing her face. “Raven, what’s wrong?”

“Please tell me you’ve seen, Octavia or Lexa. Please.” Raven hates breaking down but she’s doing just that right now. She cannot lose Octavia. She means too much for Raven and she doesn’t even know the extent of Raven’s feelings for her because she’s too fucking afraid to tell her.

“No.” Clarke says. “Shouldn’t they be back?”

“Yes! But they aren’t, Clarke. They’re still there.” Raven feels the tears stream down her face and wipes it away.

“Shit.” She hears Clarke say before Clarke is enveloping her in a hug and rubbing her back. “Shh, Raven. It will be okay. It’ll be okay. Come on, let’s wait at the doors.”

Clarke takes Raven’s hands and they walk to the doors that Lexa and Octavia always go in and out with, hoping with all they have to see their friends again. When they reach, Raven has a strong urge to run inside to look for Octavia, but she can’t because she’s too much of a fucking coward.

Raven wills herself to stop crying. By now nearly the whole Glade has gathered around the door, afraid of losing two more Gladers. “They’ll come back, Raven. They have too.” Clarke tells her and she’s unsure if Clarke’s reassuring herself or the both of them.

It’s silent. There’s only five minutes left. Raven never told Octavia how much she means to her.

Four minutes left. Raven never told her how Octavia’s her anchor to the world.

Three minutes left. Octavia does not know that she is the main source of Raven’s happiness.

Two minutes left. Raven never told Octavia that she’s in love with her.

A minute left. All of Raven’s hopes are gone. She’s never going to see Octavia, the only constant in her life, again.

The doors creak, slowly moving, daunting her. Someone shouts, “It’s them! They’re coming!”

Raven snaps her gaze to the doors. The person’s right. She sees them, but something is wrong. Octavia is clutching an unconscious Lexa and dragging her towards the doors. They’ll never make it in time. Raven wants to help, needs to help but her feet are planted firmly on the ground.

The doors are nearly closed when Clarke does it. She sprints and Raven reaches a hand out to grab her but misses.

_Not her too._

The door slams shut just as Clarke fits through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always hmu on [tumblr](http://www.reyesoflight.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr.](http://www.sapphicalexdanvers.tumblr.com)


End file.
